“I didn’t want to live anymore”

“I didn’t want to live anymore”

Noah Cyrus spoke about grief, addiction and the journey of forgiveness in a recent interview with Zane Lowe for Apple Music.

During the interview, Cyrus talked about the motifs and inspirations for her debut album, The hardest part, who drew much of her inspiration from her struggles with her mental health.

“When I turned 20, I was overwhelmed by the thought that I might not be 21,” he said, the album’s first track.

Now the 22-year-old is speaking openly about the role addiction played in her life.

“The end of December of 2020 is when I decided to try to kick my addiction to the pills, the prescription pills, the painkillers. Xanax — that was my kind of drug of choice — and I was completely wrapped up in that drug,” she said. .

Eventually she reached a breaking point that prompted her to seek help.

“When I had just lost all hope and all faith and, like, what felt like the strength to go on was when I broke down and asked for help… For so long I denied and denied and denied and pushed back until finally I just said, ‘I can’t give you lie anymore,” he said.

This revelation allowed those around her to better understand the severity of her struggles and debunked some of her past behaviors.

“I called my therapist, I called my psychiatrist, and I think there was a lot of confusion that a lot of things clicked for them, where a lot of stories didn’t make sense before,” she said. “I got the help I needed and also that I deserve, and that every person with addiction or mental health deserves.”

Cyrus has been candid with her supporters about the ebbs and flows of her mental health journey.

“I think that’s one thing that’s always stayed the same with me, is how real and honest I’ve been about what’s going on inside me and my mental health,” she said. “I mean, with my fans, I’m really open with my mental health and growing up, how difficult it was for me in public.”

She also opened up about her mental state during her road to recovery and the crucial role her furry friends played in keeping her alive.

“My dogs… they save me. The process of waking them up, feeding them, taking them out, walking them, that actually kept me alive at one point in my life because I feel like I knew my dogs were counting on me. I felt like I had no purpose, the purpose I had was these dogs,” he said.

Now a few months shy of the two-year anniversary of her decision to beat her addiction, Cyrus is able to reflect on the dangerous space that led her down the path of drug abuse.

“There’s a lot of personal stuff … that I’ve had to come to terms with. I’ve acknowledged it and I’m definitely healing it. But I think also, at that time, I didn’t want to be alive anymore. I didn’t,” she shared. “And I was just waiting for one day that maybe I just wouldn’t wake up. I don’t know where he was going. There were many scary moments. I just know I was trying to avoid living or maybe feeling the emotion of being alive. Because sometimes being alive is painful.”

He acknowledged that life will still get tough at times, but he knows he’s in a much better place now.

“Whether it’s the first time or the first time, for an awfully long time,” he said, “that I’ve felt within me this feeling of a peaceful happiness.”

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